| You Know... |
[12 Apr 2009|05:00pm] |
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You know, I stopped posting on this LJ because both K and my ex-best friend S could read it. Instead, this has been my lurking LJ. I'm not well acquainted with LJ's controls and I noticed I was kicked out of a community for one reason or another. I did some research and noticed that both K and S have stopped being my friends on LJ so for however long, even if I did post on here, I could have just Friends-Only'ed it and they wouldn't have been able to read. Now if someone could tell me how to remove friends, that'd be wonderful as well.
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| Long While, huh? |
[31 Mar 2005|03:48pm] |
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"Kodou" ~ Dir En Grey |
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Well it's been a long while and it didn't get until Brookie was to remind me I had an LJ that I came by to post. Nothing's really been new, but I've just lost the motivation to keep on typing. Keep on chugging and whatnot. Things are going decently although some weird stuff's been happening. No no, nothing like black auras or blue electricity, but just weird stuff. I don't know. My leg's been acting up lately and it's been stopping me from working out too much in ROTC. ROTC's been slow moving because I've gotten pretty fed up with some of the people in the class who are passing with decent grades and do nothing. No work whatsoever. I think the teachers aren't harsh enough. Then again I've never really had the lowest of standards for people. Maybe I'm expecting too much... to have homework on occasion... tests... something anything before I go insane. ROTC is having a Military Ball on 06 May 05 and it's required for me to go apparently or I get a zero for the semester. Fun stuff eh? I don't want to go alone, but that's probably going to be the way it goes as I don't really feel like asking anyone in particular. Military Ball... and Parade. We have a parade drill to march on April whatever so I'd have to tell SiFu that I can't go help him teach.
Yeah if I didn't mention, I help SiFu teach... not really teach... I just sit there and make sure the kids don't beat each other up so I guess I just supervise. Eh, he's cool about it. SiFu just has way too many sugar-hyped kids running around and needs someone to yell from ten to three everyday. Hah. Shaolin's been pretty slow. Same old same old. I still suck. My mom still doesn't like me going back to Tae Kwon Do now that I've joined a Chinese martial art. I did see this really interest place the other day. It opened up in the supercenter like right next to my house. I didn't even realize... it's like GKR Karate. I laughed because that place was so white... but rich. They had their own personalize gear, they had showers in the restrooms. The restrooms were cleaned by janitors and they had two training rooms so they could have two classes at one time. Play room for the toddlers too. It got me thinking what the world of martial arts has been reduced to... I don't see somewhere to train as somewhere to play... and that place just looked like a day care.
I've been working on a Computer Science project for a while now. About six or seven weeks and I restarted all my programs, like wiped clean the slate about two days after I got back from Spring Break. I just didn't like the way I coded stuff and so I had to take a different route. In five days, I finished all that I did in six weeks and finished the game itself. It's Mario and it's fun. I have my own little version thingie of it all. I'm hoping that I could just use that next year because I think I'm going to get stuck with President next year. That's a lot of work... I just don't know if I want the other candidate to be president. I want to be executive because executives do like... nothing. Right, so the project... it's almost done. I just have to add a reset method and all that extra pretty stuff. I might do a little splash image. I have a splash screen, just not a splash image. That should be fun. That's basically the gist of what's been happening. All in all, it's been pretty boring. I just can't wait until school lets out so I can... well start Summer School I suppose. I still need to sign up for that but I keep forgetting. I hope I don't pass up the deadline because then I won't graduate (and that's bad). Anyways, I'm going to get going because apparently W&D has been revamped and no one told me about it. Yeah and I'm going to go watch Kung Fu Hustle now that it'll play.
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| And it all goes wrong again |
[08 Jan 2005|12:28am] |
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"Briefly" ~ Better than Ezra |
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I guess I should have expected this right? I don't know. I've recognized I've done something so very wrong, but haven't told my girlfriend of what happened. What did happen was I wrote that e-mail breaking up with her then five minutes after I get offline, she gets on. I call her and we talk... we talk about what's been happening and why it's been happening and we apologized but weren't really... well I wasn't clear on what was happening. I asked if she wanted to just be friends and she told me she didn't know. I asked what she wanted and she told me she didn't know. I didn't know what was going on, but the next day I had to go to K's place. Yeah not fun. I don't know. I went there and did something dumb. I managed to stop myself briefly but you know my thing for K's been pretty long running for now. I don't know what I feel for her but it's just weird and undefined. I'd like to know what I'm feeling but you know K's a little... hot and cold. I don't know how to get through to her and I'm not so sure anymore if I want to.
After I went to K's place we didn't talk again. Yes, yet again. Now I scheduled a double date or whatever, just a movie outing on Sunday and I told her to call me but she didn't. I don't know. I'm going to try and forget her. I have to try and forget. I'm not sure I know how. I just feel- well I feel awful. I feel odd. I feel... I don't know what I feel. I feel like I'm going to implode, like my brain's going to break, like my heart's going to burst. I can't just sit here letting the girl walk all over me, play me. I let girls do that far too often. I know that she has me wrapped around her finger... then again it's not that hard. I'm easily whipped once I'm attached to a girl. It's so awful. At one point, I was willing to find an apartment for she and I to live in because she wanted to move out, but she changed her mind when her mother wouldn't pay for her college. I was seriously thinking about it. See how bad it was? I would've done it too!
I can't talk to her anymore. Her name's off my buddylist so I don't have to see her anymore. I'm going to stop hanging out at Mountasia for fear that I'll see her and it'll tear me in two again. I get too easily whipped. You see this? Any girl could whip me. That's why they all run all over me. I'm not going to see the movies with her on Sunday. I'm cancelling with Marty and Holly and apologizing to them. I guess I wasted their time hoping that K would find some interest in me when I know that's not possible. Anyways, I have a big computer science contest tomorrow so wish me well. It's at JV High but I'm hoping to leave early to be able to go to Shaolin. It restarts tomorrow (I think) although I'm not so sure. I don't remember the date they had set. Regardless, I'm pretty tired of girls. I love them to death. All kinds of girls. They're all great, but... I feel I'm unlovable by a girl's standards. It's awful... anyways, contest tomorrow. Again with the luck. I feel as if I may need it.
Until the day I die... they're just going to walk all over me... kick around the powder remnants of my heart... and leave me when they're done with me.
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| Fun Stuff |
[28 Dec 2004|10:16pm] |
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Album of DJ Onyx |
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So I stayed at Jo's again and also went to the dentist. It was pretty uneventful and we went to see Ocean's twelve. It was pretty fun because after the movie while the credits were rolling I straddled Jo and my friend Sandra was right next to us yelling at us for making a scene. We also went to the Galleria among other places. Everyone's playing Tekken 5. There's a massive line behind it everywhere and it bothered me when this guy at the Tilt over at Memorial City had Tekken moves printed out in this nice little packet and stapled and everything. That bothered me so much. Why does anyone print out a packet full of moves? Why not memorize it? For the love of Christ just memorize it! Everyone at the DDR station sure as hell does it! Anyway we're sitting in the car and I notice (finally) the Lost in Space album and found out that Lost in Space wasn't the only Aimee Mann song that Jo had. Guess what song she also had? Pavlov's Bell. It's one of those songs that hearing it really brings back good times. Two years doesn't seem like too long ago yet it really seems like quite a while... oh yeah and my girlfriend's cheating on me. I sort of had this nice little revelation thinking about it. Then it popped in my head that she may be cheating on me and it made a lot of sense, from the apathy she's been showing to me, to the fact that she's never around. How she never picks up her phone and after I call she turns off her damn phone. Every time I call. Am I a bad girlfriend? Eh... it happens I guess.
I seem to have quite a thing for dating girls over eighteen that cheat on me. It's like... a written rule. It's a qualification to date me I suppose. I have this inability to find a good or decent girlfriend but I guess that really is just the way it goes. For Christmas I got a CD Player. It was really cold and we finally got snow for the first time in my life. I wanted snow a long time ago and I guess Santa Claus is a few years late on my wish list. Um I'm beginning to really loathe the female race and I'm wondering if there's anyone that's good enough of a person that's really willing to deal with me. I don't know if there is. Anyway, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow to fill up my teeth. Oh yay... yeah I've now made the decision that I hate all medical professionals as a general whole. School should be starting up again soon and I'm not really looking foreward to it. I really would like a car and a job now but I doubt that's going to happen seeing as I need a job for my car and need a car to get to my job. It's one of those circular things. I don't really think there's much of an update atop any of this except oh yay I bought myself some new pants finally. That's basically it so I'm just going to get going.
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| Rough Holidays I guess |
[21 Dec 2004|09:52am] |
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"Yomiko" ~ DJ Mystik |
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Ok so I'm sitting here having some fun and talking to my friends online. This was of course the events from last night and I'm just now bringing myself to rant about them. That is what I do here after all: rant, rave, bitch, scream, and complain. I'm sure that's what this journal is here for aside from documenting the many pointless events that happened in my life because I have the memory span of a cenile goldfish. Anyhow, I was talking to someone who will be remained nameless because I'm upset with her right now, but I'm not going to dispose the name just for dignity's sake. This person happened to be talking about one of my dear friends on FF. The few that I feel like I've made. Calling this dear friend a bimbo or implying that she was a bimbo and I stopped her right there and told her that this friend was 'my girl' meaning that no one was going to mess with her especially not behind her back. She blows me off like yeah whatever which is one thing that's bothering me about her demeanor which I will get to in the next paragraph, but she whatever's me and we go at it. She looks down upon me because Eden is about my twenty sixth? girlfriend. She says I'm only sixteen and something about how by the time I'm fifty I'll have dated the six point five billion people on this planet. All of them.
Ok I think I'm generally enough done with that part of the issue. The next is how I was trying to have a political conversation with this girl and she tells me "Oh what do you know, you're friends with Jimmy." Jimmy is someone who is very Republican and very conservative. I asked if she thought I was brainwashed by Jimmy. She didn't even ask for my opinions on the political status of America at this moment but jumped to the conclusion that I was a yuppie that was just going to listen to whatever anyone said without thinking or questioning it. Wrong much? I ask her if she even knows about my points of view and she says fine and lets me talk. I tell her that I am anti-war, this and that, etc etc and basically end up siding with her on political views. Then she says I sit on the fence because before I said I was going to play devil's advocate and fight for the underdog for a moment whether I believed in it or not. She called me a flip flopper because of that. Every time I disproved her theories and ideas with actual fact, she'd stop talking for about seven minutes and say 'Whatever.' If that's the best you can come up with, don't start a political conversation with me. I may be sixteen but I'm not politically arrogant, you dolt.
While I'm at it, yes, let's talk about the status of America at this moment. Eight days ago was the anniversary to the Rape of Nanking, a bloody and disgusting massacre laid upon by the Japanese on Chinese grounds in 1937. Also yesterday was the funeral for one Lawrence O'Conner Clancy. He was a freshman at my school and he was killed down the street from me at a four way stop sign. A four way stop sign. He was killed by a car... at a four way stop sign. I don't understand that. I don't understand how people can just run a stop sign especially if there's a kid right in front of you. There's no way of miscalculating this. Was it on purpose? I don't understand at all! Someone explain this to me. Explain to my naive, politically oblivious (apparently) self how this world works. Anyways I know the 'changes' that are going through the new presidency and personally I'm glad there's change... I'm just not sure if I'm glad for the better or worse. That just means Barack Obama (Whoo he'd better campaign for 08 because I know Giuliani's going to make it for republican) is going to have to bust his ass fixing everything Bush fucked up.
I'm glad to see Rumsfeld go actually. I don't think he does any good for any of us. I think that England, the SecNav needs to go but that's because I have a personal thing against him. I think Roche should be welcomed to stay even though he's not helping... he's not hurting so I'm not going to go at him. Richard B. Meyers, the Chairman of Joint Chief of Staff... I don't like him at all and I think he should burn in hell but that's far from the point. I just think that America is in ruin, in peril, however you want to put it. I'm really hating the sight of George Bush and it's making me want to throw up. I have reason to hate him. It's not just because he's a homosexual like this person who will remained unnamed will claim. Yeah she actually said 'Well of course you hate Bush, your gay.' Yeah real good reason. Thanks. I hate Bush because he's approved every spending bill that's been put on the table which makes me think that he has no idea what these big words mean so he's just going to say yes to them. I don't agree with his foreign policy and his idea that he can barge in any time he wants. You know there were reasons laws were put up and it protects everyone even terrorists because they're still human and they still have rights. I don't believe in Bush's ideas that church and state should be one in the same. This is a democracy, not a theocracy nor a mobocracy as Bush likes to make it.
As for the state of the world? I'm still questioning how a whole bunker full of weaponry can just poof out of the blue disappear in the middle of Middle Eastern territory. It's a freakin' desert. Awww did the big sandman scare the widdle soljahs? Boo hoo. That's millions of bucks down the drain and all the terrorists had to do was take it. I swear, the world's handing this stuff to them on a silver platter saying 'here you go' and encouraging them to fuck us over. Anyways I'm tired of looking at Katie's screen name and I'm tired of having people jump to conclusions about who I am just by stereotype. I'm fed up with the state in which our country is left in. I'm exhausted by the irritation that is life. I am through with people talking crap about people I am slowly beginning to care about. I am done with staring at the screen name of someone who should mean nothing to me but for some reason doesn't. I'm just done. Stick a fork in me. Oh yeah and I'm completely done with Angel. The more I say it maybe the more it'll be true. I'm getting sleepy and apparently I'm getting cranky so it's best I go.
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